Ep: #31 - The Key to Healthy Family Relationships in the Holiday Season

Faye Casement Author

Oct 19, 2022 |

How to have a healthy relationship with your family during the holidays

Introduction

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! However, it can be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with your family during this holiday season.

I am confident though you can maintain a good relationship with your family by gaining awareness, taking action, being accountable and being appreciative of them.  Read on to find out more.

The first step is identifying what role you play in these relationships. 

For example, are others coming to see YOU or are YOU going to visit THEM? Are they pushing YOUR buttons or are YOU pressing THEIRS? Are YOU blaming others or are others blaming YOU?

Next, identify your goals for the interactions you are going to have.  Is there are way you give it your best shot to make that happen to maintain a positive relationship.

It's important to remember that we have a choice in how we want to show up. We can decide to react in a way that is harmful to the relationship or we can respond in a way that builds it up.

For example, if someone is constantly pushing your buttons, you could choose to walk away instead of shouting at them and discuss calmly later. This will show them that you care about the relationship and that you don't want to argue with them.

Be accountable for your actions. 

E.g. If you're the one that is always coming to see them and they were prefer less contact, then make sure that you are respectful of their time and don't show up unannounced.

If someone is always pushing your buttons, take responsibility for your reactions and don't blame them for how you feel.

And finally, express gratitude and appreciation towards their efforts even if they aren't perfect!

Identify your role in these relationships

Knowing your role and how you interact with others will help to avoid any misunderstandings or conflicts. 

Each family member typically has a role they play. It is important to be aware of these roles and how you can best support your family. For example, the parents may be responsible for setting rules and providing guidance, while the children are expected to be responsible for following the rules and expressing their emotions. By understanding these dynamics, the rules you have around the people you care about you can work together more effectively as a family.

Knowing what pushes your buttons and what presses the buttons of others will allow you to better communicate and understand each other. 

For example, if your mom's role is to provide guidance and she feels like her advice is disregarded, it may cause an argument. However, if you know that this makes your mom feel unappreciated or not respected, then you can work on communicating with her in a more effective way.

The drama triangle is a three-sided model of human interaction that was developed by Stephen Karpman. It can be used to describe the dynamics of any conflict or disagreement. The three sides of the triangle are:

1. The victim- This person is often seen as someone who is passive and helpless. They may feel like they are not in control of their life or their situation.

2. The persecutor- This person is often seen as aggressive and hostile. They may be quick to blame or criticize the victim.

3. The rescuer- This person is often seen as helpful and nurturing. They may try to fix the problem or help the victim escape from the persecutor.

The drama triangle can be helpful in understanding how a conflict can escalate. For example, if the victim feels like they are being attacked by the persecutor, they may become defensive and try to protect themselves. This can lead to the rescuer coming in and trying to mediate the situation. However, this often does not resolve the conflict and can actually make it worse.

It is important to be aware of the dynamics of the drama triangle, as it can help us to understand our own reactions and those of others. By understanding how the triangle works, we can learn to step back and not get caught up in the conflict. We can also learn to communicate more effectively and resolve conflicts in a more constructive way.

Remember that we have a choice in how we want to show up in our relationships.

No one is perfect and we will inevitably have disagreements with our loved ones at times. 

However, it is important to remember that we always have the choice in how we want to react. 

We can choose to communicate in a respectful and constructive way, or we can allow ourselves to be pulled into a conflict. By choosing to have a positive relationship with our family, we are setting the foundation for a happy and joyful holiday season.

You alone are responsible for yourself. The rest is out of your circle of control. You can't change other people, and you can't make them do what you want them to. All you can do is change how you react to them, and hope that they might change in return. Remember that, as you go into the holidays with your family.

The holidays can be a difficult time for many people. For some, it may be hard to see their family because of unresolved conflict. For others, the holidays may be a triggering time because of family dynamics or traditions. No matter what your reason is for feeling uncomfortable around your family, it is important that you do your best to communicate and express yourself in a way that can be beneficial to both you and your family members.

Be accountable and think about your family members

Lastly, it is important to be accountable to yourself and others during the holiday season. By doing so, you will show your family how much they mean to you and also encourage them to do the same. With responsibility comes accountability; therefore, it is best for each person in the family to take on their own set of responsibilities. This will help to make the holiday season a more pleasant and organized time.

Look to agree in advance on how much time you will spend together, who will do what, and how you want it to all fit together and then look to hold each other accountable but don't forget to give yourself and others grace if they mess up and course correct if necessary.

Express gratitude and appreciation

As children, we were taught the value of giving thanks for what we have. As adults, we may take this for granted or fail to implement it because we learn not to look forward to much. Keep in mind that it is important to voice your gratitude for the people you love, especially during the holidays!

It is also important to express your gratitude and appreciation for your family. This can be done in many ways, such as through words, actions, or gifts. Showing your appreciation will help to strengthen the bond between you and your family.

Why not acknowledge them for who they are and what they have done, instead of only focusing on materialistic things. Try spending time with them talking about their interests or listening to their stories. This will make them feel appreciated and loved, which is what the holidays are all about!

Remember that it is important to take care of yourself first and foremost. Put on your own oxygen mask first and look after your inner mindset maybe with some journaling, coaching or with a gratitude practice.

Conclusion

By following these tips, you can create a healthy and positive relationship with your family during the holiday season and remember to take care of yourself. Gain insight in to your role and the role you believe others should play. You cannot change other people, but you can change how you react to them. Set out with a clear plan and hold yourself accountable. Last but not least it is sooo important to express gratitude and appreciation for your family in various ways throughout the holiday season to strengthen relationships with those who are closest to you!

Happy holidays! Thank you for reading! :)

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Categories: : Life Coach Tips, Relationships