Ep 98 - Setting Loving Boundaries For Your Well-being

Faye Casement Author

Jul 01, 2024 |

Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to another episode of the Wellness 4 Women Show!

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Let's start with a question... what do boundaries mean to you?

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I would wager there are some of you who may be thinking it is about saying 'no' and not people pleasing that is where my brain goes first but then we can also set boundaries on time, in relationships, tasks really anything that can be 'controlled' in someway could have boundaries to it if we wanted them.

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No matter what you are trying to set boundaries on though, if you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly giving in to demands and losing yourself in the process, this episode is for you as today we are going to explore how setting 'loving' boundaries can lead to true food freedom and a more balanced life.

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What Are Boundaries?

Before you can set a boundary you need to know what one is and what you are trying to achieve for them to be effective.

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Ultimately like everything I teach it is for you to decide if you want to set them, over what, with whom or what, why and what you want that outcome to be.

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For me a boundaries are the setting of personal limits. Ways we can safeguard our well-being and if necessary maintain our personal space.

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They're invisible lines that you get to draw, so you can define where you are and want to be, verse where perhaps other things are, such as people, tasks work etc that when set with love allow you to protect your emotional, mental, and physical health.

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Setting boundaries can be really helpful in building healthy relationships with ourselves and others and achieving a balanced life.

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How does this sound to you?

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• Safeguarding your emotional, mental, and physical health by ensuring you don’t overextend yourself.
• Increases Self-Esteem as you value your own needs and limits.
• Taking responsibility for your own actions and decisions and knowing you can figure anything out.
• Reduced stress by knowing your limits and communicating them effectively.

All sounds pretty good right?

​So why don't we do it?

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Why aren't we setting 'boundaries' why aren't we prioritising our well-being, asserting ourselves and protecting our peace?

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It might be due to various reasons, such as fear of conflict, feeling guilty for saying no, wanting to please others, or simply not realising the importance of setting boundaries. Resistance can show up in a number of forms.

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Even the word barrier could trigger you to feel restricted, like you have to be disciplined or to go without and this alone could be stopping you from setting yourself up in a way that actually serves you and your goals or maybe you just don't know how

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This is the first thing you need to figure out what's stopping you? Resistance always has to go first. What you resist persists.

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It's important to find, acknowledge and shift these barriers. So you can see the value of setting healthy boundaries for yourself and actively practicing them.

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Need help overcoming resistance? Check out last week's episode, check the description for how to join the membership or if you want to tackle it fast, reach out about Belief Coding®️

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Setting Boundaries With Love

What I want to offer you today though is that if you are going to work on setting boundaries do so with love.

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As you know if you have caught any of the shows before or are in the membership we are all about love. Not treating ourselves like a.holes. Working on ourselves in a way that is kind and gentle but gets the job done.

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Often, we can believe we have to set hard boundaries and that we require a sense of fear or consequences in order to feel motivated. But, love can be an equally powerful, if not more of an effective motivator. Setting boundaries doesn’t have to mean being mean or harsh. It doesn't have to be restriction, discipline or lack. It can also be a positive. It can be about protecting your well-being with kindness and respect for yourself, for others, for what you are doing.

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When you set boundaries with love, you communicate your needs clearly while also considering the feelings of others thus maintaining healthy and positive relationships.

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For example, instead of saying, “I can’t help you because I’m too busy,” you could say, “I’d love to help you, but I need some time to focus on my own tasks right now.”

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Works the same if you are speaking to yourself. Rather than "I can't do that" or "I shouldn't do that" say "I am choosing not to", "Rather than x I am choosing or get to..."

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This may seem like it's just semantics and to a degree it is but you can do the same thing and not be an a.hole to yourself in the process and it will feel nicer and easier the more you take the more positive direction.

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Members your resource this week is all about setting loving boundaries and a tool to help you do it.. called "Whipping Up Loving Boundaries"

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Loving Boundaries Relating To Food Freedom

Let's look at how setting loving boundaries can interact for food freedom. You are after all here because you want to work on your relationship with food.

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When it comes to loving boundaries and food freedom, it's important to remember that this is about listening to your body and needs rather than restricting or limiting yourself. Food freedom is not a diet but a mindset shift towards enjoying and nourishing your body without guilt or strict rules. But you can still set if YOU wish boundaries around food, YOU can still create parameters that align with your values and health goals without feeling deprived if YOU wish. The key here is the YOU. YOUR relationship with food. YOU get to decide. YOU get to figure out what feels good for YOU. What works for YOU.

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If you want to work on 'weight loss' with love then it is about finding the balance between honouring your cravings and making choices that support your well-being. This means giving yourself full permission to indulge in things you would have classed as 'off limits' or 'treat foods' before while also prioritising nutrient-dense foods that make you feel good and increase your chance of 'weight loss' and in quantities that align with your goals.

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Ultimately though when you embrace the setting of loving boundaries around food you can feel empowered as you build a healthy relationship with food, with eating, with 'weight loss' based on self-love and respect for your body's unique requirements not other people's rules and parameters which will allow you to thrive both physically and mentally.

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So what can setting loving boundaries look like for food freedom and weight loss with love?

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• Committing to listening to your body's hunger cues and fullness signals
• Agreeing with yourself that you can eat a favourite food if it is on the menu if you seek to eat to your satisfaction levels or by making a compromise elsewhere in the meal.
• Exploring your emotions when you get a craving and urge rather than letting them happen and not looking at them
• Eating without distractions such as, being at your desk, in front of the TV, phone in hand
• Seeking to take steps to reduce your eating speed, chewing food, putting your fork down, taking breathing breaks
• Setting boundaries around portion sizes to experiment with your body needs
• Drinking x amount of water by x time of day
• Not going food shopping when hungry
• Making your plans even if you don't feel like it because you know it will benefit you later.

The list could go on.

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Following Through On The Boundaries Your Set

Our beliefs of course are going to play a huge part in whether we follow through on the boundaries we set. If setting the boundary leads to your brain thinking there is any kind of danger even though it may not seem like it on the surface, subconscious resistance could form. Even if you are setting the boundary for your own good, just as I said a couple of weeks ago.

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Overcoming any resistance when setting boundaries or following through on tasks and intentions can be challenging but it is entirely possible with some strategies. You can look to understand the root cause of your resistance by reflecting on any past experiences, beliefs, and fears that may be making you hesitant and you can do this with coaching or Belief Coding®️

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Practice self-compassion. You will slip up. You are human this is life. But f you go ham on yourself... tell yourself you are a failure.. that you are stupid and worthless and all the other mean things your inner mean girl may want to say to you, you will be triggering off the defences even more and end up in a subconscious defence loop. Be kind to yourself forgive your slip ups and move forward. The key here is to move forward. I love the phrase to fail forward. As well as everything is figeroutable this phrase changed my life. I would have been a once-and-quit person whereas now I am tenacious af and that came from my weight loss journey creating plans, setting loving boundaries, and following through.

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If you need to hear it setting boundaries with other, practising self care, and preserving your peace, is not selfish but a necessity for your well-being. However, notice if you have these types of thoughts. One of the areas of resistance we can have is if our brains think other people could be harmed or affected by our actions. Often the best way to counter that outside of Belief Coding®️ is to flip it on it's head. List all the ways they could benefit from you setting a boundary for yourself or with others. There is always a gift you just have to look for it.

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Notice if you have any thoughts like it's too hard. Why does it feel too hard? Do you need to break it down further or take a smaller step first? so it can feel more manageable and less overwhelming.

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Wherever you are catching this share what is coming up as I always seek to reply. Members reach out in the dedicated support group of course.

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Some belief shifts that could be helpful:

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Self-Worth:

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Current Belief: "I must please others"

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New Belief: "I am worthy of respect and love, and it’s okay to prioritize my needs."

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Deservingness:

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Current Belief: "I don't deserve to enjoy food."

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New Belief: "I deserve to enjoy nourishing and pleasurable foods."

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Trust:

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Current Belief: "I can't trust myself around food."

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New Belief: "I trust my body to guide my eating choices."

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View on Boundaries:

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Current Belief: "Setting boundaries is selfish."

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New Belief: "Setting boundaries is a form of self-care and respect."

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Step into Action

So what are you going to do with your take away moments from today's episode? How are you going to step into action?

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Take a moment to reflect on where you need to set boundaries in your life.

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Consider areas where you often feel overwhelmed or compromised.

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Start by deciding what boundaries you want to set and why?

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What do you hope to gain from it?

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Make them small and easy and build from there.

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If you need support, head to the Wellness 4 Women Backstage Pass community and grab this week's resource.

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Wrapping Up

OK then ladies, wrapping up thank you for joining me on today’s episode of the Wellness 4 Women Show!

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I hope you feel inspired and empowered to start setting boundaries with love, to go out there and gather your awareness on what this all means to you, to start stepping into action for yourself, your life, your relationship with food and if working on it 'weight loss' and to continue to keep figuring it out and moving yourself forward.

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Reach out if you need anything and until next week... bye for now!