Ep 95 - Dynamic Self-Love - How to Stop Making Excuses and Take Action

Faye Casement Author

Jun 16, 2024 |

Hello, hello, hello and welcome lovely ladies to another episode of 'The Wellness 4 Women Show: Life, Weight Loss & Everything In Between.'

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Today, I want to clear something up—something really important. We need to talk about the difference between permission and excuses. If you've listened or watched the show before, you know I’m a huge advocate of self-love. I want us to be happy, healthy, and believe we can be whatever we want to be. I believe we can 'lose weight' without beating ourselves into it, that we can be healthy at any size, and that we can have food and life freedom too.

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Basically, I want us to believe we can have it all, and to go out there and get it!

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Recently, it came to my attention that there may be a bit of confusion regarding how self-love, permission, and food freedom get the job done. It is possible to take these too far, to the point where they turn into excuses hidden under the banner of love. I’ll be honest, I may need to call myself out on this one too.

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So today, we're going to explore when kindness and giving ourselves permission can turn into excuses, how to recognize it, and, of course, how we can step into accountable action. Whether you’re a new listener or a part of the 'Wellness 4 Women Membership,' this episode is going to help you reflect and, if necessary, recalibrate in a way where we can genuinely embrace self-love without letting it morph into self-limitation.

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Self-Love Misconceptions

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Alright, let’s get to the heart of today’s topic: What is self-love, really? Is it misinterpreted?

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Self-love is a broad term we hear a lot. Some might even call it a bit cliché or overused, which is such a shame for such a powerful thing. So let's go back to basics and make sure we fully understand what it means and also what it doesn’t mean.

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For me, self-love is about treating ourselves with the same kindness, respect, and compassion that we would offer to someone we care deeply about. It's nurturing our bodies, minds, and spirits in ways that support our overall well-being. This includes setting boundaries, giving ourselves permission to rest, and making choices that align with our long-term happiness and health.

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However, as with any powerful concept, there are some common misconceptions that can skew our understanding and practice of self-love. The biggest misconception? That self-love means always saying "yes" to what feels good in the moment. While I believe it’s vital to enjoy life and not be too hard on ourselves—because YOLO—there’s a fine line between genuine self-care and using 'self-love' as an excuse to avoid challenges or growth.

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For instance, choosing to stay in every night binge-watching series might feel like self-care after a hard day's work. However, if it prevents you from pursuing other goals, dreams, or hobbies, it might no longer be serving your best interests. This is where self-love can start to turn into self-sabotage.

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Self-love also gets mistaken for a static state of being, something we just 'do.' But in reality, self-love is dynamic. It evolves as we grow and requires regular check-ins and adjustments to ensure it remains healthy, productive, and in our best interests. It’s also not always about feeling good—though I encourage you to find as much joy as you can. Sometimes we need to make decisions that could feel tough in the short term because they are beneficial in the long run, and this is still love.

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Now, I want you to take a moment to reflect. Have there been times when you've used self-love as an excuse? Maybe skipped that workout because "you deserved a rest," but deep down, you knew it was more about avoiding the effort? It’s a delicate balance, but being honest with ourselves is the first step.

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Lights, Camera, ACTION!

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Action is essential if you want change. It is the bridge between intention and transformation. It's how you can turn your goals and dreams into tangible outcomes.

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Action is crucial if you practice self-love. Without action, a declaration of self-love remains just that—a declaration. A declaration alone doesn't move you forward or contribute to your growth. It is the taking of action that reinforces our commitment to ourselves, proving that we value our well-being enough to work for it.

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Think about a time when you set a goal and followed through. How did that make you feel? Each step, no matter how small, builds self-respect. It reinforces our belief in our own worth and capabilities. And when we start achieving things we once thought impossible, it reshapes how we see ourselves.

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Action challenges our self-perceptions. Often, we limit ourselves with beliefs about what we can and cannot do. Action pushes these boundaries and allows us to redefine our self-perceptions. Achieving things we once thought impossible, or simply engaging in new experiences, can significantly shift how we see ourselves.

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Dreams and goals are wonderful, but they need legs to run on. Action is how we bring about the changes we desire in our lives. Whether it's adopting healthier eating habits, dedicating time to meditation, or pursuing a passion project, taking consistent steps forward is what brings those changes into reality.

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We want to integrate action into our self-love practice and bring self-love into our actions. Both in a way that feels nurturing and not overwhelming. We can take small action steps, we can build on habits to help them stick, and we can celebrate the fluff out of ourselves daily.

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Self-love is what powers the action. What brings them in line with your values and aspirations in a way that not only feels good but also does good for your mind, body, and soul.

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What is an easy loving action step you can take today? Pop it in the chat.

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Strategies to Balance Kindness with Accountability

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Balancing kindness with accountability in our self-love journey is crucial. It ensures that our practice of self-compassion doesn’t turn into complacency and that our accountability doesn’t become harsh self-criticism. This balance allows us to nurture ourselves while still pushing towards our personal goals.

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As usual, I want to give you some practical strategies to help you maintain this balance effectively:

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Set Clear and Achievable Goals: Start by setting goals that align with your values and aspirations. These should be specific enough to guide your actions and flexible enough to adjust as you learn and grow. For example, rather than a vague goal like "get healthy," set a specific goal such as "walk for 10 minutes five days a week."

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Regular Check-Ins: Make time for regular check-ins with yourself to evaluate your progress and motivations. In the membership, I encourage daily reflection in the planner. You can also do a weekly review of what went well, what didn’t, and what you learned from each experience. Use this time to assess whether your actions are still aligned with your definition of self-love and to make adjustments if necessary.

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Support System: Accountability can be greatly enhanced by having a support system. This could be a trusted friend, a coach, or members of a group like our own ‘Wellness 4 Women - Backstage Pass’ community. Share your goals and ask for gentle reminders and encouragement to keep you on track.

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Environmental Reminders: Place reminders in your environment that encourage you to act in ways that reflect self-love and accountability. This might be motivational notes on your mirror, scheduled alerts on your phone, or visual cues like a workout mat placed prominently in your living area. These reminders can help keep your goals top of mind and spur you to action.

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Practice Self-Compassion: Remember that being accountable doesn’t mean being perfect. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your efforts, forgiving yourself for slip-ups, and viewing challenges as opportunities to learn—but just keep moving forward. This approach will help you maintain motivation and treat yourself with kindness throughout your journey.

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Reward Yourself: Set up a system to reward yourself for meeting certain milestones. This doesn’t have to be anything lavish or complicated but could be creative if you want it to be. It could be as simple as taking a moment to acknowledge your progress, treating yourself to a movie night, or buying a small gift for yourself. Celebrating your successes will reinforce positive behaviour and can make your journey enjoyable. Likewise, if any doubt sets in—as inevitably it can—you can revisit these wins to put some pep back in your step.

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Conclusion

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Thank you all so much for tuning in today. I hope this discussion on balancing permission with excuses has sparked some introspection and motivated you to embrace both self-love and accountability in your wellness journey. Remember, every small action is a building block in the beautiful structure of your well-being.

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I’m incredibly grateful for each of you who joins me here, week after week. Your dedication to personal growth and wellness inspires me to keep bringing you content that supports and uplifts you on this journey.

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Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast if it resonated with you, and please drop us a comment or a review. We love hearing how our show impacts your life and any topics you’d like us to explore in future episodes.

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Until next time, keep shining bright and taking those brave, joyful steps towards a healthier, happier you. Goodbye for now, and look forward to our next episode where we'll explore another exciting aspect of wellness for women. Stay tuned!

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